Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
