would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
