we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
