Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I didn't shave. On purpose
another moral hangover. fuck.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize