i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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