What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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