i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
