I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
