Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So many bounce houses so little time
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
