I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize