i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
