so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize