I got chris browned last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize