its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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