I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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