I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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