loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize