omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
