Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
