So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
