you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
