Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
