I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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