I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
this hospital has no fireball
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
