forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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