Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize