you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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