Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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