apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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