FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize