Did you just see the Batmobile???
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
