that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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