I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want her autograph on my taint
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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