yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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