trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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