You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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