Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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