I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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