I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
