I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
