Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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