Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
