I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize