If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
how drunk are you?
Several
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
