I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize