But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
