i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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