So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
