Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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