i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
