Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
