i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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