My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
