I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need moral support for this bender
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
