I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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