why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
