Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
