I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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