I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
