Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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