There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
