I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
