he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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