So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
