You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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